- Image by FotoRita [Allstar maniac] via Flickr
Hard to do
For me it is hard to ask for help. It sticks in my craw. The words don’t want to come out. I look for any possible excuse to avoid saying those words. The rationalizations flow like Niagara Falls.
“I can figure it out myself.”
“I’ll do it later.”
“I don’t want to bother the person.”
Deep down in my subconscious there are the more guarded feelings that I don’t really want to admit.
“The person will think I’m stupid.”
“I shouldn’t be wasting this person’s time,”
“I ought to be able to figure this out by myself.”
And then, of course, the real fear that by asking I will reveal that I am a trivial and inconsequential person and that down deep
“I am not worth helping.”
I don’t think I am alone
These are big insecurities to deal with but I don’t think that I am the only one with these doubts. In fact, I believe that this is the normal human condition. Some of us just learn the accept and work with it earlier and better than others. But then, of course, there are the sociopaths who never think about others at all. Watch out for them.
I am writing this on Easter and I can’t stop thinking that Jesus – the son of God and the son of man had these same doubts. He even asked his Father to lift his burdens when those burdens were the reason for his existence. His Father said no.
Jesus knew what he had to do. But he asked anyway. And asking helped him to do what he was born to do. Even when the answer was not what he wanted. And his Father still loved him.
Whether you view this story as truth or as an allegory, it stands as a powerful statement about what it means to be human. It is human to doubt. It is human to need comfort, reassurance and help. And the only way to meet that need is to ask for help.
My barrier
My biggest barrier to asking for help is that I don’t believe I deserve it. And when I don’t believe that I deserve help, I am certain that it must be obvious to those that I might ask. I can think of no reason why they would take there time to help me and I am too afraid that by asking I will discover that I am right. The only way I can push myself to ask for help is by focusing on the belief that other people, however confident and secure they may appear are like me underneath the facade. That they too need help from time to time and by helping others they can maintain their confidence and self-worth, Each time it is a struggle and it seems that one success or even two doesn’t really change the equation. It is a struggle every time. But is a struggle worth engaging.
Yes and Yes.
I find it relatively difficult asking people for help too… though sometimes that’s a matter of pride for me. Tends to manifest as ‘I should know how to do this’ and ‘if I ask I’ll look stupid’. Learning to ignore it and ask anyway, but its not easy work.
That said, if you need anything drop me a line! I don’t bite (often) and everyone’s worth helping if they’re going to use said knowledge/aid. Which you would.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Update: Portfolio is Online! =-.
Hey I just noticed that my comments levels is working. Woopee!
.-= Ralph´s last blog ..Ask – for Help =-.
Heather,
Thanks. Sometimes I don’t even know what to ask for help with.
.-= Ralph´s last blog ..On Comments and Gordon Ramsey =-.
Hey Ralph,
I know how it feels sometimes to not want to ask for help or to simply make excuses not to. It is also kind of a downer when you ask for help when you really need it and don’t get it for whatever reason. I don’t like the disappointment so I try my best to shoulder the weight myself. Now on the other hand I created a bad habit in asking for help and expecting much more than I ask for. That one is a work in progress.
Also another reason I really don’t like asking for help is because I always feel like I owe that person. I have had some bad financial choices in the past which makes me very hesitant in asking for favors.
There wasn’t really any point or solution in this comment. I wanted to just share my own opinion and to say either way it is noticeable how selfless you are through your blog and visiting other blogs. Keep it up and if you ever need help I will do my best 😀
.-= Ryan Hanzel´s last blog ..Some tips and tricks to having a good morning =-.
Ryan,
You are right. There is a lot of baggage either way. You just have to decide which baggage you want and which is better for you long run.
.-= Ralph´s last blog ..Ask – for Help =-.
I normally don’t ask for help. I can usually figure things out if I Google it. Every now and then I have to cave and ask for assistance. It’s like asking for directions, I don’t like doing that either, but funny, it helps me find my way. 🙂
Richard,
I don’t think there is a right answer, For me I can only know or learn so much and I only have so much time. The lone ranger travels slowly
.-= Ralph´s last blog ..Ask – for Help =-.
You know what Ralph life is about overcoming your fears. Have the courage to ask someone for help.
I have sometimes been afraid to ask for help but not really anymore. I don’t mind showing that I don’t understand a topic as well as someone else. Asking someone for help is also your process of learning. If you never ask you will never learn.
.-= Julius Kuhn-Regnier´s last blog ..How to Become More Productive =-.
Julus,
That is pretty much what I was trying to say. Thanks for reinforcing that point. It is hard to get past the point of thinking about how you will look – at least for me.
Hi Ralph,
I can see you aren’t alone in that feeling of not liking it, I think the earlier we realise at times we have to ask for it, the better, never easy to most though as we know.
I just say to myself, would I be able to progress with whatever it is in a massively faster way by asking, if so, just ask, if not, I try to get it done myself. 😉
It does also depend on what it is. 🙂
.-= rob sellen´s last blog ..If you want to make money online don’t try to do it all =-.
There are many reasons why asking is important. One of the best is that it speeds up your progress just like you say. It isn’t logical not to ask.