- Image by David Reece via Flickr
I gave a speech last week.
Last week I gave a short presentation to a business group. This group’s purpose is to provide referrals for members. In short the other members are my sales force. From time to time, I get 8 minutes to tell them more about my business. The first time, I didn’t make a good connection. I told them the details about how my service works. They listened politely but got no insight about how they, or anybody else might use or need it.
I am a detail guy.
I have always been a detail person. I like to know how things work and so my first thought is that everybody else likes the details too. It is what I understand. It is what I know how to do. It’s just that it isn’t very effective since only about 20% of people share my fixation with details. I have always said to myself. ‘I can’t ……..’ about many things and accepted that I have excused myself. One of those things I can’t do is sell. I am just not that kind of person. If people don’t like the facts that is just too bad. No reason for me to worry about things that I can’t do because that is just how I am.
This year is different.
Well this year I have made some decisions about that. I will not accept the self-limiting definition of myself that has protected me from failure and success. Despite the fact that “I can’t tell joke” I added a joke to a speech I gave last September. I have decided that It is OK to fail, I didn’t fail. People laughed and related to me and the topic in a way that I had never accomplished before.
No Facts this time.
So I decided that I would not tell facts. I was going to try to get the audience to understand the emotion about my service. I asked them to tell my by show of hands the answers to these three questions:
1. How many times did you ____________ last year?
2. How many times did your think “I should have _____________ “ last year?
3. How do you feel when you receive _____________?
The idea was to get them to recognize that they weren’t doing X even though they often thought that they should and that receiving X was always a positive experience for them. I then told them that my service would make it easy and inexpensive and that they should call me and let me show them how.
Feelings.
It wasn’t comfortable because I wanted to give them details. I was completely surprised by the response. I got lots of questions – they were asking me to tell them details. Finally I had to cut hem off because my time was up and afterward I got more questions and comments.
Wrong again.
So once more I find that I have more ability than I knew I had. And more reason to question the self-limiting beliefs that that I have accumulated over the years about who I am and what I am capable of doing. I believe that we all need to push ourselves beyond what we think we can do and that over time those little pushes can take us all from ordinary to extraordinary. Do you have experiences where you pushed yourself beyond your own belief and had surprising success as a result. Please share.
I firmly believed that I could never be a people person, and that I was doomed to be shy and awkward forever more. This was a couple of years ago I think… though here I am, on my blog, happily talking away to people offline and online several times a day.
Sometimes all you need is a gentle push in the right direction to realise that, actually, you’re not as bad as you thought.
Great post Ralph – and congratulations on your speech! 🙂
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Alpha Maps: Control what other people see with textures =-.
Ralph,
I love coming here because you make me think.
I had to change my ways when I got promoted in the military, I went from a screaming and shouting physical training instructor who didn’t care about promotion because, well why should I?
I had all the power and no responsibilities. I eventually left the military as a SGT but having the responsibility of people is a huge change.
How did I do it? Well I got hit with the sharp reality of having to console one of my lads who was involved in a major crash on an exercise, the guy he was with didn’t make it and I was at his side when he died.
That moment I knew, it wasn’t about me, it wasn’t even about the guy who was in shock, it was about the family.
Hope this all made sense.
Ralph, seriously I want you to guest post for me again because this was brilliant!
.-= TheInfoPreneur´s last blog ..Attract Positivity, Not Negativity =-.
Ralph,
I really do have something I’ve done that has truly benefited me but may not look the same way to everyone else. I have a speech impediment and my S sounds like TH. It’s bothered me my whole life and at some points I honestly thought I sounded “normal”. I then read somewhere or heard somewhere that most people don’t listen to what you say but listen to see if you believe what you say, or something like that.
My point, I make sure I hear every word I say and say it loud and clear because I want it to be heard by everyone that way because I believe in exactly what I say… I’ll know if I didn’t because people talk over me or they just don’t hear me.
Weird point to make here but I feel it fits in well and it’s the plain truth.
It doesn’t bother me much any more. It’s a part of who I am and I accept that and am embracing that part of myself.
Great post!
.-= Eric´s last blog ..Real Or Robot =-.
Hey Ralph, your speech and the effects of it sound awesome. Well done!
I was thinking about your question and the only thing I could think of in my own life was preaching. I’m a Christian but have never been one to volunteer to speak to the church. People say that I’m used to public speaking because I’m a teacher but teaching children is comepletely different to sharing stuff with your peers.
Anyway, May 2008, through a series of coincidences, God made it very clear that I had to share something with the church. I procrastinated a lot. Eventually, I spoke to the pastor and he gave me a date to do it and with much trepidation, I did it.
Fast forward 18 months and our pastor has left and as a result, I’m preaching about once a month to help fill a gap in the ‘schedule’ If you’d have told me back then that I’d end up doing this I’d have laughed at you (or run away!) but now I love it! I’ve even started going to bible college (albeit an online one owing to my young family) to try and fill in the gaps in my theology. Again, something I would never have planned to be doing but am enjoying hugely.
As they say, a change is as good as a rest 😉
.-= Eleanor Edwards´s last blog ..How to Survive Year 10 Sex Ed =-.
Heather,
I know exactly how you felt. My way of coping was to behave like an instructor, not relate like a human being. I didn’t understand how to relate but I could recite facts and details.
I think my way of coping varied between doing what you did (behaving like an instructor) and poking fun at myself. The curious thing is that if I was actually presenting something no one noticed I was uncomfortable… if it was a social situation though, that was me lost entirely.
Facts and details are comforting though aren’t they? Still have to fight the urge to go hide behind them sometimes.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Alpha Maps: Control what other people see with textures =-.
James,
I never faced anything like your experience. It just shows that there was always more there than the shouting and the orders but that you didn’t need it. The measure of any body is how they step up to responsibility. You really cared for those men and when they needed you, you did what was necessary. I would be honored to write another post. What should it be about?
Eleanor,
Great story. Isn’t it wonderful how sometimes we end up doing the things we are afraid of or don’t think we can even without being forced. It just sort of happens. I know that I am the worst judge of what I can do but it doesn’t make it any easier to push myself because my biggest worry is looking foolish. Ego is ugly.
Eric,
Right on! You have something important to say, speech impediment or not. If anybody cares more about the way it sounds than what it means, they don’t deserve it. Say it clearly. Don’t be embarrassed by the sounds. Most people will forget the speech impediment in minutes. Humans are very adaptable. Unless they don’t want to be.
Heather,
Even on your blog.
I guess so; still learning.
.-= Heather´s last blog ..Alpha Maps: Control what other people see with textures =-.
Interesting to see how their reactions changed. I think your attitude is amazing, I think it’s important that you don’t mind failing because, as you have just shown, it leads to better relationships and thus success.
Thank you Ralph
.-= Julius Kuhn-Regnier´s last blog ..The Lost Art of Failure =-.
Julius,
Actually I still mind failing a lot. It’s just that I fight not to let it control my decisions. My head is ok with failing but my heart is devastated. It’s a struggle to keep your head right.
We all have the potential to sell and You are a great salesman Ralph. Let me prove it – You sold your wife the idea to marry you and she bought it.
Now, you are selling us this awesome idea and from the comments, we’re are buying it.
Cheers man,
You rock.
hmm interesting point. I gotta say that my attitude has changed about failure has changed over the last few years completely.
Of course you do feel devastated sometime but if you know that it helped you grow, its a lot easier to get up and to start working again.
.-= Julius Kuhn-Regnier´s last blog ..The Lost Art of Failure =-.
Olusegun,
And that sale is one I’m still having to work on daily.
Julius,
You are so right about the attitude. Once you know that failure is not forever, it is easier to keep going.
that’s fantastic. I have also set a lot of limiting beliefs on myself like “I am not interesting, I don’t have anything interesting to say in social situations.” I clam up when I have to take initiative in conversation. Blogging is one way that I am dealing with that because it sure takes a lot of sociability that makes me uncomfortable…kinda like leaving this comment. I do enjoy it though once I get past that initial discomfort. It has ultimately been a very positive and rewarding experience.
Way to go on that oral presentation! sounds like you rocked it!
Carlos,
I hope you are resisting those limiting beliefs. They are flat out wrong and I don’t even know you other than your comment above. I keep telling myself that if I am uncomfortable then I must be doing something good. And action overcomes fear. Keep it up.
Ralph,
I echo those sentiments. I’ve been doing a lot of self-realization along those lines. Making myself a little uncomfortable is a big part of my game plan…if not the biggest. It has already made some great changes within me, for example, putting together the Pre-Writing Challenge you read about on my site.
It is already an accomplishment that took mustering some courage, and I’m not done yet. I have a surprise or two in store for the participants that also required stretching my comfort zone.
Thanks so much for your kind, encouraging words. Your blog and attitide are very restorative and uplifting.
My wife dragged me to an aura readers once who said that I have a soothing aura. I wonder if it flows over the internet. I am always happy to find someone else pushing their edge because it helps me keep moving. So I thank you as well.
It is difficult to say what I have already done that was beyond my believe, but I am sure that it is necessary to be strong enough in order to change your initial world vision and especially your inner world vision. It is just impossible to be so strong all the time, but I am sure we should remember about it in order to open ourselves for good changes.
Kate,
Healthy human beings forget difficulties once they are past them. As a result we don’t value what we learn nearly as much as we should. We also doubt our ability to learn more. I’m sure that there are many things that you stretched to master. I don’t know that it is strength that is necessary. The important thing is recognizing that something is attainable and then starting. For me, once I start, it all becomes easier.