To regret the past is to forfeit the future.
~ Chinese Proverb
Getting older piles on the regrets
It is certainly a truism that the longer you live, the less future you have. Also you have more past and more possibilities that you have done things you regret. Hindsight is wonderful in showing you mistakes. In my past I acted (or didn’t act) based upon what I knew at the time. I did the best I could to use good judgment but looking back there is plenty that I could have done better. There are the things that I knew I should do but didn’t for one reason or another and there are the things about which I was clueless and took the wrong action. By now, at my advanced age those regrets start taking up a big part of my brain and eating into my diminishing future.
I have two kinds of regret
There are two kinds of regret that I deal with – regret for actions I took when I should have done something else (or maybe nothing at all) and regret for things I should have done but didn’t. Sometimes there is a lesson that goes with the regret. Maybe it tells me to set aside an emergency fund or maybe I learn more effective ways to deal with people. In those cases I use the regret to change my life and prevent ever having the regret again. Many more cases are regrets for actions about which I had no good information- like investment decisions. They looked (and were) risky at the time but hindsight has made them appear to be sure things. Don’t you regret not buying Microsoft stock? My head is full of those regrets; regrets about property I could have bought, investments I could have made, personal and family decisions that might have made my life better. By now in my life, I could spend days on coulda, shoulda, woulda moments, indulging myself in what might have been if only I had…..
Don’t indulge Regret
Bottom line, those regrets are life killers. If there was a lesson to learn from a wrong action, then learn it and move on. There is nothing gained from indulging yourself by reliving the moments. If there is no lesson then just forget them and eliminate regret. I like the analogy from business between regrets and sunk costs. In business you might have spent big bucks yesterday for a widget that you thought would help your business and discover today that it doesn’t. You can’t get the money back. You are stuck with the expense. Since you can’t change the balance sheet for that expense, your only path is to develop a business plan to move forward. If you can’t use the widget, beating yourself up for making a bad decision just keeps you from moving forward and making good ones. It is the same with regret.
It is a daily fight
It isn’t easy letting go of regret. Something inside me want to make me feel bad about the past and keep me from moving forward. I think its the fear of making more mistakes that blocks me from taking charge and living my life adventure boldly. I struggle with this daily. The weight of everything in my life to date that I regret is massive and hard to hard to ignore. I have to continually tell myself to block those feelings because there is nothing I can do about them and they prevent me from paying attention to my future. I can’t change the past and my future is diminishing with every passing second.
What about you?
Do you get diverted from you future with regrets? If you struggle, have you learned any tricks to put regret behind you? If so, please share.
I am richer for being a recovering alcoholic. I’ve made money…LOTS of money…and have none of it due to my former lif as an active drunk, but AA teaches that that doesn’t matter. There is only one day that matters…today.
We can’t change yesterday, and we aren’t assured we will have a tomorrow…we DO, however, have today AND can do something to influence it…so I do, as best I can.
Bob,
There is great wisdom that comes with being a recovering alcoholic – at least it seems so to me- and a wonderful ability to appreciate each moment. Thanks for sharing that truth.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..50′s Nostalgia- The Barbie Doll
Regret is nothing but a huge stumbling block, or perhaps it’s more like a chain around your neck that weighs you down. Either way it holds you back.
I’ve also made wrong decisions, decisions that have cost me thousands of dollars, but like you they seemed to be the right choices at the time.
In life I only have one regret, and that is that I had a one night stand with a young lady many, many years ago. I just feel that no-one should be treated that way. It has however taught me to be more appreciative of all the women I meet.
Sire’s last Blog Post ..Learning How To Use Market Samurai
Sire,
Thanks for your comment. I know that I have done weong things but instead of regretting I try – like you have done- to learn and move on to doing better.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..60′s Nostaligia – Ken- Barbie’s Boyfriend
I find that living in the past is highly overrated so I attempt to treat each day as a new beginning. Can’t say that I am always successful, but it sure beats the alternative.
Steve Skinner’s last Blog Post ..Always A Time For Giving Thanks
It isn’t easy for me either.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..Want to live longer Try starvation!
Excellent reminder, Ralph. I used to relive all the things I could have done to keep my consulting business from failing 10 years ago. I would beat myself up for taking clients for granted and trying to grow without enough marketing.
Now, I know how unhappy I was in that business for its final 3-4 years. That dissatisfaction was evident to everyone except me. Being free of it left me weaker financially but stronger in every other regard.
The past cannot affect my present if I don’t let it.
Bob Lowry’s last Blog Post ..Can You Live Without These
Bob,
That is very similar to my last year at work. I finally decided to leave and now I am poorer but happier.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..Questions about Retirement
I know about regrets 🙁 but I always try to look the bright side and keep going, looking over your shoulder it’s never something good if it comes with regrets.
Great post Ralph, I always enjoy what you write.
Fernando’s last Blog Post ..The Real Steps To Make A Profitable Niche Site – 02
Fernando,
Keeping going is important. Thanks for the comment.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..Retirement- The myth and the reality