How do you rate yourself?
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If you are having trouble, think about a time when you felt really pleased or satisfied with yourself. Don’t look for headline news items. The things you are looking for might be small., even insignificant. Don’t let that discourage you. When you find them, you will know because a warm glow will wash over you.
It might be something you do without thinking. Maybe people have noticed and commented on your sweet smile. It is difficult to personally confirm something like that and even harder to consciously develop so you might discount the accomplishment as inconsequential. Don’t! That smile is nothing more than a reflection of your soul. It is the product of a lifetime of honing your life skills into a perfect distillation of feelings and regard for others.
Maybe it is a skill.
Perhaps you make the perfect hamburger or maybe it’s an apple pie to die for. Those accomplishments do not demonstrate IQ or innate talent (remember that talent is WAAAAY overrated)
Those accomplishments are the result of mastery- devoting the time and refining your judgment over a long time. Maybe you had a great teacher but maybe you kept experimenting or doing research to find the perfect recipe and techniques.
Maybe you have created a home environment that makes people feel welcome and comfortable. I don’t mean the perfect home where you are afraid to use the ornate guest towels or lean back and relax. I mean the home that you always enjoy visiting because you feel welcome and accepted; the places where nobody is watching you like a hawk to make sure that you don’t actually use anything or make a mess.
These are just ideas to get your thoughts moving and inspire you to dig out those pleasant memories of feeling really pleased with yourself or being recognized by someone else. I’m not talking about the silly self-esteem program that encourages you to feel good about yourself for breathing . Look for real accomplishment. I just want you to savor the feeling that you are unique and recognize that you are special.
Because that is only the start…..
For most people, it is hard to accept your own accomplishment. We aren’t supposed to be egotistical and self centered and so get confused about recognizing value and accomplishment,in ourselves. Forget that! A healthy person is self aware and that means recognizing skills and abilities as well as limitations and flaws. We all know what we are not good at and we let that knowledge cloud our judgment about our worth and the activities of life where we are good- maybe even darn good.
So start your list (make it a written list that you can look at from time to time and don’t rely on your memory) and note all the things that you are good at, insignificant as they might seem to be. Then ask yourself what else you can get good at that isn’t on your list right now. Those things you are good at didn’t happen by accident. It takes time and effort to be good at anything. And if you can do it once, you can do it again. So pick one thing that would change your life if you were good at it and make a plan to master it.
Don’t pick something overwhelming to begin with. Pick something that seems realistic and where you have some idea about how to do it. Then start.
Give yourself permission to make mistakes and be willing to fail for a time. But do something. Aspire to be better.
Take a moment and share your thoughts. What are you good at now and what would you like to be good at tomorrow?
Hi, Ralph… You make a very good point. I think that, many of us don’t realize our own value. I believe this is especially true of men. Women are more open to sharing their thoughts, and thus friends will tell each other “what’s especially good about you.” Men, on the other hand, tend to be more private about such things. Bill
Bill Birnbaum’s last Blog Post ..Retiring in a City or in a Small Town
Bill,
Interesting to think about your point. Do women appreciate themselves more than men? Don’t know. Anyone else have a thought?
On the contrary, I think women are more apt to underestimate their abilities. I know I am. When I sit down to list my abilities versus my shortcomings….well it’s not a pretty picture! The things I’m good at are pretty trivial…and there are many many women better at “everything” than I am. I don’t know if it’s really productive to start thinking about what you do “better” than anyone else…there may not be anything! Maybe we should should be happy to just be competent and not best???
But, what do I know? (In the spirit of full disclosure, I just had two glasses of wine so my judgement may be inpaired.)
JaneO,
I can’t begin to generalize about women compared to men. I do believe that we all value ourselves too little. Re: being better than everyone else, I like John Wooden’s idea of being the best you you can be all the time. No competing with others, trying to beat them or outshine them- just competing with yourself to become better. I think striving is better than accepting competence because it makes us better and will cause us to go to sleep each night feeling good about ourselves.