It is like trying to solve a puzzle without all the pieces. How can you make a good decision? Still, the only way to move forward is to move forward. These decisions (or variations of those decisions) have to be made and we need information to make them good ones. If we have to cut back the size of the house, it will be painful. But it will be what it will be and unless we just give up we will still have to decide about finishes and equipment. So we force ourselves to move forward.
The interior designer came out to look at the pictures of our old house, furniture and art and see the site. It felt good to talk about what we want to see when the house is built and use what we have. She had some good thoughts about space allocation in the service areas. We have a luxurious amount of vacant space in the master suite and maybe a bit too little in the kitchen and laundry. I hadn’t paid any attention up to now about these details and now it is time. She will be a good help.
Building our dream house is my latest adventure. I hope it is not my last. The process is longer and more frustrating than I thought it would be. Without forward progress, it is impossible to ignore that life is less satisfying in a new state and a temporary house than our previous house and that I am responsible.
Temporary inconvenience is acceptable but when it becomes long term and begins to feel permanent, the new house stays fantasy. It is a challenge to believe it will happen as the process seems to falter.
Progress for the new house moves in fits and starts. Currently we are stalled. It is very unsatisfying. There is as yet nothing concrete to prove that our house will be built. Until the cost estimate is finished we won’t know if it fits out budget. We don’t want to cut again but if we do, I just want to get it done. For now I must wait and dread the possibility of another redesign. Everything is in limbo until the contractor works out his construction estimates.
The delay is even more troubling because of the uncertainty. If we have to cut back on the current plan, how do we do it? What do we cut? Since we cut back about 400 square feet a few months ago to get our fantasies about the new house to converge better with the budget, a further cut seems draconian.
Of course I over dramatize. We are proposing a good sized house with more than adequate amenities. We can certainly do very nicely with something smaller. It is just that cutting back a second time hurts and slows the progress. I need to relax, go with the flow and accept that it will all work out in the end. We are in no danger of the house not happening. We may just have to be more responsible – and with a smaller footprint.
Without having the floor plan settled, it is more difficult to think about other decisions that must be made- like finishes, colors and appliances. Most of these decisions will be unchanged whether we cut back the square feet or not. Still, my mind wants certainty to move forward and we don’t have it yet.
Another reason that we need to work on some of the details is to help make this project more real. My wife won’t let herself dream about the new house before she has more proof that it will actually become real. She can’t bear being disappointed.
While we wait for the news about costs, we take steps to make some of the decisions necessary before we can break ground. We met with the decorator this week to make a start. She raised some legitimate questions about space allocation. We have, so far, only paid attention to rooms and function in general. Now we are starting to think about what we do in those rooms and what equipment or workspace might be required. “Did we cut too much space from the laundry room?” “Is there enough storage space in the kitchen?” “Is the master bath room too spacious?” I always expected that we would ponder more deeply into the details moving forward. I always thought that I’d feel more certain about the timing.
Now, I feel not ready.
I know it is all in my mind. The process requires working in uncertainty and some decisions must be made no matter that others are in flux. I want all the details so I don’t make a mistake. This has been a problem for me throughout my life. It makes me hesitate and balk about making decisions. But without decisions – and potential mistakes- you don’t move forward. I have to keep moving.
Meeting with the decorator moved us forward. She is planning to have us look at appliances and fixtures soon. Her involvement will help us focus and prioritize . She will help us manage the cost of the project and prevent emotional decisions.
I’d just like to hide in a closet until the perfect solution emerges. But I know that I am in charge of moving forward and without decisions we stay in limbo. I have to push on.
