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Resolutions are superficial
I don’t know about you but I resist New Years resolutions. Something about the process makes me uncomfortable. The principle seems fine. A new slate of activities and goals for a new year. A fresh start with no baggage. The reality is more complex. I want to break new ground; climb new mountains; achieve new goals. The trouble is that moving ahead means giving up some old habits and those old routines and excuses are deeply embedded in my current life. I don’t necessarily choose those old behaviors but they have such a grip on my life that I can’t move on without changing them and changing them is hard.
They don’t change habits
It isn’t easy because succeeding with a resolution requires creating a life changing program that gets to the root of the old habits that keep me where I am and transforms them. I have made resolutions before- halfhearted assertions that I would lose weight, get a new job, shape up, be a better husband. I really wanted them to happen. I had a clear vision of my future happiness with them accomplished. In the end nothing changed. They were fantasies because I never developed a program to make the changes necessary for them to happen.
Resolutions in my experience are merely wishes and hopes. They are nice to have things that would improve my life. They are things to day dream about on coffee break or my morning commute but without real work and commitment, they are never going to happen.
This year I’m making plans
So this year I am not making any resolutions. I am not going to ease my conscious with happy thoughts that divert me from making commitments, plans and tracking. New Years resolutions may work for some people. There must be people who are better at managing their activities and focus and if they can make resolutions and then keep them, I take my hat off in respect. I just know that I am not one of them.
So don’t expect to hear any New Years resolutions from me this year. I am not who I would like to be, I am not where I would like to be. But resolutions are not going to make a difference. Making myself better is a formidable task requiring me to fight my entrenched habits every step of the way. Resolutions just won’t cut it. I need a fool proof plan. If resolutions work for you, I’d love to hear about them.
I would agree with you on the whole post, except for the last paragraph. I would argue that you (or One) is who they want to be and one is where they want to be. There is no need to make oneself “better”. You are already good enough.
Maybe it’s comfort levels that keep us in ‘ruts’. Maybe the fear to try something new and fail, I don’t know exactly. My resolution, if you can call it that, is to not measure myself against others to determine my self-worth or well-being; but to be open and free to anything new that may arise. You don’t need a program to do that, just a openness to change.
Goals are a bad word for me. Achieving a goal has never brought lasting satisfaction, and striving for them only frustration.
Hansi,
I guess we will just have to disagree on that final point. I believe I can do better – maybe not be better and in order to accomplish that, I have to manage my life. That is what I mean by goals and plans. Goals are how I can measure my improvement (change) and plans are how I overcome the habits that keep me doing the same things over and over.
Do you just accept yourself and stop wanting to do and be more?
I do accept my self. But my feeling of self-worth hopefully is not tied to what I do or what I can become. May sound a little too Zen-like.
And No, I don’t want to stop doing, or trying new things. I’d love to become the world’s most famous Baby Boomer Humor Blogger, but that probably won’t happen. If however, someone gets a chuckle, or better yet a real roll on the floor belly laugh out of my stuff…swell.
You make me think too much…..but that’s not a bad thing.
So Hansi, How do you accomplish that? Without some analysis and course modification?
Glad to see you are joining the “no resolution” bandwagon. We just break them by the end of the month anyway.
Bob Lowry’s last Blog Post ..Retirement and Sex
It usually took me longer.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..I’m not making New Years resolutions this year
When I worked as a forester, we use to use inmate labor on some of our large projects. One time, an inmate told me that you won’t go anywhere without a plan, you just have to have one! His advice has always served me well.
Steve Skinner’s last Blog Post ..A Time For Reflection
Steve,
Plans are good. Resolutions, not so good.
Ralph@retirement lifestyle’s last Blog Post ..I’m not making New Years resolutions this year