Image by mrlins via Flickr
Do you have my problem?
Maybe it’s my generation but I have a problem with standing up for what I want. Nice guys don’t fuss and demand their own way. That is what my mother taught me and that is they way I lived my life up to now. It has brought me marginal success in the work place even as I struggled in my personal life. Still, I think there is truth in the saying that ‘Nice Guys Finish Last.’ Looking back over my career, what I regret most is not standing up and being noticed; not going on the record for my principles and, most important, not asking for what I want.
The world encourages team players. But what gets missed is that although team players may make the world go ’round, they seldom get much satisfaction or appreciation for it because they think nice guys have to be bland. It is a tricky game to maintain your integrity while being a nice guy- a team player. Some people pull it off masterfully. They defer and encourage without ever letting you doubt their strength and conviction. Then there is the rest of us. Most of us end up as nebbishes or drab drones. Sometimes we don’t even know what we stand for.
Retirement is all about you
Retirement means that you are in charge. If you were focused on fitting into a work environment by deferring to the powers that controlled it, forget it. It’s a new world. Now the environment is all new- no boss and no coworkers; no corporate mission bullshit and no rewards for sucking up.
So wake up!
It is your retirement lifestyle and your life. Stop thinking like a nebbish and be noticed. Take a stand on life and what is important to you. Be Cantankerous. I have started my own self-improvement program aimed at becoming myself and abandoning the nebbish. I invite you to join me.
Sign me up. Thanks for reminding me that retirement is all about you; well ME actually. I always thought that I was the center of the universe. Now you’ve given me the excuse to believe it fully 🙂 You’re “right on” Ralph, no more sucking up, no more bullshit.
Hansi’s last Blog Post ..Wrestling at the Olympic
Hansi,
Glad to hear it. Looking forward to hearing what you really think.
Some serious: “Retirement means that you are in charge”. That really says it all as far as I’m concerned. Just as one had to work hard, save, and delay or defer some gratifications in order to retire; so too, I think, one has to work hard at maintaining the retirement lifestyle you want. I’m not talking about money, but making the effort to make things happen. An example: We have 2 couples our age that we often socialize with (dinner usually), but haven’t done so on any of our parts in a while. Maybe we’re too tired, don’t want to clean up the house, or are in a rut. Well, the wife and I had a big Tri-tip, and I decided to Bar-b-que it. We called our friends, said it was a pot-luck type get together, and did a little work around the house. Long story short, everyone had a good time; the effort was well worth it.
Same thing goes with attitude. I gotta really work on having a positive, loving mind-set. Be it from meditation, to just plain courtesy when out and about.
I feel your posts encourage the same spirit that retirement is only as good as you make it.
Hans
Hansi’s last Blog Post ..Wrestling at the Olympic
Hansi,
That is exactly what I am trying to say- and do myself. It is hard to force myself to schedule those activities and so rewarding when they actually happen. It is also contagious. Your friends can catch it from you and then spread it to others. And just think about the fuel those events provide for your blog.
Hi Ralph,
It took me a while to be able to stand up for myself…there were times when I would not say what I ment cause I did not wank to hurt the other person’s feelings….
When I started my own offline business …sure had to harden up then … people take advantage of you when ever they can.
It has got to the stage now where I say just what I feel like and if someone gets offended so be it…no more mr nice guy.
Cheers
Bryan
Bryan McHeyzer’s last Blog Post ..Comment on List Building Tips by admin
Bryan,
Nothing like being your own boss to toughen you up, I find.
I never liked sucking up to incompetents or bluffers so I became my own boss at 23 and stayed that way until retirement.
Retirement for me is just an extension of being in charge without the work.
Good thought provoking post Ralph.
My first comment was published in error, apologies.
Bill
Ashton-under-Lyne, UK
Bill Murney’s last Blog Post ..Spam- Spam- Spam
Bill,
You were smart. Probably still are.