Showing Up

Photo by WASABIdesign

Don’t hide in a closet

I have found that one of the most important prerequisites for being a positive person is participating; going where people are and interacting.  At least for me, I am most likely to be down when I am alone.  And that’s what I naturally choose.  I am really comfortable being a loner.  No worries about what others may be thinking.  I don’t have to put up a facade.  I can be myself.  I can be negative.
And that’s the problem.

The real me is not very attractive

My unvarnished self is pretty marginal.  I can be petty, self indulgent, selfish and still feel good about myself because when I am by myself there are no consequences. (Well maybe there are consequences but not immediate ones.) It feels pretty good.  I have spent a good part of my life retreating to the safety of isolation at any and every opportunity.  When I am in retreat mode, it seems like a good thing.  I eliminate challenges and protect myself from conflicts. But it’s not a good thing.

Or so I thought

The trouble is that if that is all you know, you don’t know how it is handicapping you and more importantly you don’t know that you don’t have to be handicapped. Somewhere along the line, it became clear to me that I was my biggest problem and that indulging my weaknesses only weakened me further.  In fits and starts, I stumbled out of my cave and participated in what was going on around me.  The night I met my wife was one of those courageous moves – a story for another time.  And each move out was followed by panic and struggle to keep from running back.
Humans are incredible creatures.  We have understanding, the potential for wisdom and great emotion.  The best we can be never shows without challenge or risking our comfort. My point here is only to recommend an attitude of embracing each day and each opportunity to be part of something.  I like to think of it as showing up.  It’s what I did the night I met my wife.  And like Robert Frost tells us, that decision made all the difference.  And I don’t mean that we lived happily ever after like a fairy tale.  It has been a challenge each day- but well worth the effort.

Get yourself out of your cave.

But showing up is something that I need to do every day.  It means participating when I don’t have to, don’t want to or don’t think there is any benefit.  Going somewhere or doing something out of the normal pattern or taking a new responsibility or putting myself in a situation that I can’t control. It isn’t easy and I often find myself back in the cave, licking my wounds and feeling sorry for myself.  It’s just that now I understand how each hour in the cave moves me back to where I started.

What is your cave?  How hard is it to get yourself out of it.  Finally what have you found when you pushed yourself out?