ralphcarlsonblog.com

Photo by Housden Photos

Recently I created a list of 13 ways to improve your marriage. It turned out to be a pretty good list and it made me think about how I learned those lessons. At several times during our 37 years as man and wife, I was on the verge of a major train wreck which threatened to destroy our marriage. Somehow, we pulled together and over time I became a better husband. How did that happen?

There are many things that helped me grow but I received a major boost in insight when about 10 years ago I was pointed to Wild at Heart which really opened my eyes about my role as a man in making a good marriage. I came of age in the 60’s and was suckered into the feminist mindset about women. I think it was particularly appealing to me because it was so easy. Or at least is seemed easy to the chicken-hearted young man I was then, The wisdom at the time was that women wanted to lead their own lives without a man to slow them down. I was OK with not leading and being that sensitive man that feminists talked about. In short, I was a wimp.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t what my wife wanted and in truth it didn’t make me feel very good about myself. It took me way to long to wake up and when I did; I discovered that it sucks being a wimp. It is so much more fulfilling and rewarding to be a hero. If to nobody else, at least to your wife.

As John Eldredge puts it in Wild at Heart: There are three desires written into the heart of a man.

A Battle to fight

An Adventure to live

A Beauty to rescue

The trouble is that most men don’t know what is written in their heart, just like I didn’t. But when they find it, it just feels right. There is so much more in this book like about how all fathers fail their sons and the wound that is causes. I cried when I read that because I finally understood why my father and I were never close. I had always thought it was my fault and blamed myself. Nothing is ever that simple.

Being a man in these politically correct times is very hard and yet men are what we need and don’t have.  If ths post touches you in some way.  If you too have learned how to be a man, either from Wild at Heart or some other means, leave me a comment.  I’m lonely.

Popularity: 3% [?]

Technorati Tags: happiness, husband, marriage, masculinity, Reading

• The Three Train Wrecks of Life A mentor I admire has described three train wrecks that can destroy our security. They are: Finance Health Relationships All three are important and interrelated....
• 13 Ways to Improve Your Marriage Never forget the old saying: “Happy Wife- Happy Life.” Make a commitment- that is what love is. Tell her you love her and tell her...

• Woman And Affairs You have probably been wondering about the following once in a while: Is it possible, and normal, for married and committed women to have close...
• There Will Be No Flashing Green Light, OK? I was talking with a friend this weekend while up in San Francisco and we were discussing what we wanted to do in the future....