by Ralph
on June 12, 2013
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I read a thoughtful post on love recently. The author considered love an emotion and talked about the power of an emotion and and the other side of that emotion, the fear created from the concern that love won’t be returned. It made me think about what love has meant in my life.
Photo by zone41
The emotional dimension of love is the one we usually address. It’s the one we see in the popular media and the one we remember from our youth. But there is more to love than just emotion. For a person like me who acts more from reason than emotion (this is not a judgment or recommendation, just a fact) the emotional side of love is fleeting and usually tentative. That may not be true for everybody but for me the lasting dimension of love is commitment. It is what you can build a life around. I love my wife. It may have begun as emotion (or hormones) but over the years my emotions have run hot and cold. If I followed my emotions alone, I am sure that I would be unhappily divorced today. Because I have come to understand love as commitment, I have learned to love my wife (commit myself to making her the most important person in my life) even though at times I may not really like her. My love for her is a commitment to making her life as good as I am able. She responds the same way.
Do we make each other feel wonderful every moment of every day? Definitely not. I often fail and sometimes my failure is big time. My wife is gracious (or at least gives me another try) in my failings because she has learned that it is never my intention to hurt her despite the apparent evidence to the contrary. My only point here is not to diminish the emotion in our lives but to suggest that emotion may lead to hasty actions and long regrets. Building on the motion with commitment can make a relationship that stands the test of time.
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by Ralph
on June 12, 2013
The keys to our vacation apartments have become progressively more complicated with each trip.. In Venice there was one key that opened the door to the building and our apartment door. In Buenos Aires there were two keys; one complicatedly old fashioned one for the front door and one for the apartment itself. The front door key was hardly ever necessary since there was a doorman at the desk most of the time. Here in Rome we have four keys, all different and requiring unique tricks to function in the locks. Coming home with a bag of groceries can be very difficult.
The key ring
Our apartment building is about six stories of wedding cake with elaborate balconies and window decorations. The ground floor seems to be retail spaces although none of them are occupied. The door to our apartment is in the middle of the block. It is a big double door painted green and maybe ten feet high leading to an entry way where the trash cans reside. (There is a complicated recycling code for the trash which we can’t comprehend so all our trash goes into general trash.) On one side of the entry way is a set of stairs leading to a metal gate (barred- not solid) leading to the lobby area with the stairs and elevator.
The street door key
The front door key is a large ordinary looking silver one. It was difficult to use at first because the lock doesn’t reveal any action. You just have to push as you turn and the door opens. This door is usually open in the daytime which is a big help. The gate key takes a little understanding about how far to insert but once you get the knack it opens easily. Then you climb a half flight of steps to reach the elevator.
The lobby key
There are no keys or tricks to the elevator. It is an old fashioned self-service contraption with an outer door that swings out and two inner doors that swing in. It won’t go anywhere until all those doors are latched. Once engaged it rises in a metal cage around which the stairs ascend. We are especially appreciative that the stairwell in our building is always cool.
Then on our floor there are four doors, two on each side of the landing. This key is an old fashioned key that has to be
The key to our apartment vestibule
inserted correctly with the proper side down to open the door. There is a trick to leaning how far to push the key in but once you find it, the door opens easily. Then, inside there are two more door, the one to our apartment and the one to another apartment. This chamber is dark with the only light switch inside our apartment but the key is a standard one which is easy to insert and operate. You turn the key and there you are, finally inside out
The key to our apartment
apartment.
Our landlord supplied these keys on a large ring. In addition to the four essential keys for reaching our apartment, there are five or so more keys. We have no idea what they are for or why they need to be on this ring but there they are. Since each of the extra keys resembles one of the important ones, it makes finding the right keys more complicated. I am sure that our landlord has good reason for this that has nothing to do with his rental guests. We can cope and one thing I have learned from our foreign travels is that when it comes to how people do things, asking why never accomplishes anything good. It is just how things are and no one is about to change something that works fine just to make sense to an American.
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